19 reasons to stay in a marriage... and 15 reasons to split
A few years back, Melinda Gates admitted coming across her future husband Bill, writing a list of the pros and cons of marriage on a whiteboard in his bedroom.
Now, 27 years later, with their divorce in the news, that whiteboard moment has got us thinking: what about the other pros and cons list – “Reasons for and against staying married”?
We’ve all done one of those, haven’t we, if not with a whiteboard, then in our heads. It goes something like this:
Reasons to stay
Would not have to divide up all the nice stuff collected over the years by us.
The dog.
The children.
Would not have to date. Urgh. Even if we refuse to date, after a suitable interval, friends will feel obliged to set us up with moth-eaten exhausted men who fall asleep during dinner, and all conversations will eventually turn to someone we have to meet who is great though still rather raw from his divorce.
Would once again have to pretend to be all the things you have to pretend to be before you get married, which you can then abandon. For example: fragrant; good- tempered; easy-going; a reasonably early riser; house proud; happy to go sailing/learn windsurfing.
Bed ballast. What would go in the empty side of the enormous bed? Want to keep the bed, obviously.
Holidays. Back to tagging along with other couples and/or families and paying a single supplement for the room overlooking the air conditioning unit.
Getting driven home at night after parties.
Silent car journeys. Can’t be done with anyone else; even with close friends and family, suggests there’s an issue.
Eating for one. Depressing and liable to make you fat because nine times out of 10, you’ll have a bowl of Alpen and a banana.
Redacting the photographs. Like people do. Snipping him out of the family shot, folding his half underneath the other half. Tiring.
Having to look very much OK with your decision all the time: sunny, bright eyed, busy, not remotely seething.
In-home entertainment. No possibility of Friday night beat the intro, or drink everything and dance, or let’s binge-watch six episodes of Money Heist (could watch Money Heist, but TV watching is 40 per cent less fun on your own).
Computer and, occasionally, TV remote assistance.
Having someone to reach for high things and deal with trapped birds indoors etc.
Having someone to complain to.
Having someone who gets that look means we are leaving in 10 but don’t forget the lasagne dish.
Having someone who has got your back and will keep one eye on you swimming in the sea, just in case.
Starting again.
Reasons to go
Get to wear dungarees and the banned spectacles.
Can paint bedroom blossom pink should we ever want to.
Fewer parking tickets.
Can have the heating on higher.
No cheese in the house or biscuits or salami (therefore slimmer in due course).
Absolute control of how much petrol is in the car.
Taking back control of our socks and cashmere scarves.
No more urgent post left unopened for months.
No more hearing rustling and traffic or indistinct humming.
No more waiting at the supermarket checkout with a week’s food shop for Him to choose some tins of pale ale.
No more nearly missing a flight because He’s in Boots buying shaving gel and (accidentally) diabetic chocolate.
No more food containing allspice and paprika and extra salt and then more salt and butter.
No more pathologically avoiding the neighbours and hiding around the corner to avoid bumping into them. Might even make friends with the neighbours.
No longer need to see the whatsits ever again.
No thinking for two: eg you know when you said you turned on the oven? Was that two clicks to the left?
That’s four more in the stay column: worked for us.
