5 people reflect on the unexpected silver linings of lockdown
The past year has not been an easy one for most of us, and have thrown challenges at us unlike any we've experienced in our lifetimes. Each and every one of us have been hit with our own hardships, upsets and moments of darkness — especially for those who have experienced grief or are still suffering from the impact of COVID on themselves or their families.
And yet, within the four walls of our homes (amidst the banana bread baking and tuning into the government's 5pm daily briefing) there have been moments of heightened joy, discoveries and unexpected positives.
Whether you were spurred to get back in touch with a long-lost friend to rekindle your bond, got to know your children that little bit better or dove head first into caring for yourself and your health in a way you'd never done before, the positive stories that have come out of lockdown come as an uplifting reminder.
We reached out to our Red community to hear about your positives. Here, five people reflect on the unexpected silver livings that have come out of their year in lockdown:
‘I found my biological father’
Louise McLoughlin spent years trying to track down her sperm-donor father and, during lockdown, she started a podcast to document her search.
‘I discovered I was conceived with the help of a sperm donor when I was 13. My parents told me, but as it was incredibly upsetting for them, I kept it a secret. As a teenager, trying to develop my own identity, I found it difficult to accept that I had no idea where half of me came from. It wasn’t easy getting answers because all records of my donor had been destroyed.
'When I was born in the early 1990s via IVF, the process was just over a decade old, and donation was still anonymous. In 2016, I took two DNA tests and through ancestry.co.uk, found my first half-sibling, a sister who is eight months older than me.
'I wrote an article about it online and was amazed by the positive messages I received from other donor-conceived people.
'Their response prompted me to launch my podcast, You Look Like Me. I’d been thinking about doing it for ages and finally had time during lockdown. I wanted to give a voice to the thousands of donor-conceived people who are still legally not entitled to their family history, medical records, or donor’s identity. In the UK, the law changed in 2005 and donors can no longer be anonymous, but in the USA there are still no laws governing it.
'I started by sharing other people’s stories, including a woman who discovered her history at the age of 56 and a boy who has over 200 siblings. I also documented the joy of finding my half-sister, and our continuing search for our biological father. Then, while recording it, I got a distant DNA match for him and we searched Facebook for people who we thought could be members of our biological family. We found a man of the right age who looked like us and decided to take a risk and call him.
'He reacted with such joy and kindness that we met up for a picnic outside when restrictions were lifted last autumn. I recorded and shared our emotional reunion (with his permission) on the podcast and I’m so pleased it has given hope to other people who are still looking for their donor family.’
Listen to You Look Like Me on most audio streaming apps, and follow @YouLookLikeMe_.
‘I became a stand-up comedian’
After attending a comedy course in London, Suchandrika Chakrabarti, 37, entered the Funny Women Stage Awards and developed a new career.
‘Doing stand-up has always been my dream, but, working as a freelance journalist, I just didn’t have time before the pandemic. Last January, I had taken a six-week beginner’s comedy course on Sunday afternoons, which involved delivering a five-minute stand-up set at the end. I loved making people laugh and was really proud of what I’d achieved. When lockdown started, I entered the video into the Funny Women Stage Award. It took place last summer and we performed to the judges over Zoom.
'Not only did I get through to the semi-finals, but I was named “one to watch”. As a result, I was offered writing work on BBC Radio 4 comedy shows The News Quiz and The Now Show. I’m also one of six finalists in the BCG Pro Performance Awards and in the heats of the 2Northdown New Act Competition 2021.
'The reaction to my comedy has given me so much more confidence – friends and family have always encouraged me, but I thought they were just being kind. I’ve been booked to do four gigs over Zoom for popular comedy nights including Tickled Pink, and, this summer, I’m staging my first one-hour live solo show at The Camden Fringe. I can’t believe my new career as a stand-up has taken off despite not performing live since that end-of-course show last February.’
Suchandrika Chakrabarti’s show ‘I Miss Amy Winehouse’ is on at the Etcetera Theatre on Camden High Street from 3rd to 7th August, tickets here.
‘I launched a post-maternity-leave mentoring scheme’
In October 2020, communications consultant Annie Abelman set up Mentor Mums, a voluntary peer-to-peer programme that supports women returning to work after maternity leave.
‘In my experience, most colleagues offer friends who have just had babies informal support when they return to the office after maternity leave. I remember returning to a busy role as head of communications after my son was born in 2016, but even with a supportive boss, it felt daunting, stressful and incredibly isolating. That gave me the idea for Mentor Mums; a network that matches mums who are returning to work with mums who have already returned to similar positions in the same profession. It can be such a disorientating time that I thought forming a more professional support network could really help.
'While I had more time during lockdown, I developed a website that went live on National Mentoring Day (27th October) last year. I promoted it across my online network and the response was amazing. Many mothers feel anxious, or like an impostor when they go back to work, and I thought that mums returning during the pandemic would feel this even more acutely.
'More than 100 women have now signed up to mentor or be mentored and the network is free to use. Mentors just have to volunteer their time for six one-hour one-to-one sessions. I’m proud that I’ve built something that harnesses women’s desire to support one another during this global pandemic that has been especially hard for working women.’
Visit mentormums.co.uk and follow @mentormums.
‘My fundraising event raised thousands’
Alex Lloyd, a 39-year-old editor from York, set up #partydressday to raise money for a bereavement charity.
‘In January, sick of my usual lockdown uniform of jumpers and jeans, I decided to put on a glamorous zebra print dress for a day of fun with my two sons (aged four and one). It gave me a real lift and I thought it would be a great idea to encourage other people to dress up for a day, too. My friends and I decided to share photos of ourselves with the hashtag #partydressday; word spread and we had around 300 people all over the country join in.
Two of my friends lost parents to Covid-19 and I knew how lonely it had been for them, so I asked people to make a donation to The Good Grief Trust. We raised £1,710 and after going on Lauren Laverne’s breakfast show on BBC Radio 6 Music, I organised a second #partydressday event at Easter. Double the number of people joined in. Even TV’s Dr Amir Khan tweeted a picture of himself wearing a dinner jacket.
'We’re now working with The Good Grief Trust to make it an annual event. I’m so pleased the pandemic inspired me to do something positive.’
Hold your own Party Dress Day and donate at justgiving.com/fundraising/partydressday.
‘I learned how I could support my daughter’s ADHD’
Lucy Baker’s 11-year-old daughter, Nancy, was diagnosed with ADHD in 2019, but it wasn’t until Lucy spent more time with her that she realised what help she really needed.
‘A few weeks into the first lockdown, we saw Nancy’s behaviour deteriorate as the pressure of home-schooling and lack of routine caused daily meltdowns. Nancy would argue with her siblings and get angry quickly, and I knew these traits were heightened by her condition. Spending quality time with her and helping her with home-schooling made me realise how much support she actually needed.
I asked other parents of ADHD children for advice, watched videos, read books and booked a follow-up appointment with a specialist. When Nancy’s doctor suggested medication, I felt frightened initially, but it has made a huge difference and life has become easier for her, and for us.
'I’ve also changed my approach to Nancy; I’m softer and hold back from telling her off for ‘naughty’ behaviour. Lockdown was tough, but it was good for us as a family and has brought us closer, with a greater understanding of Nancy’s needs.’
For more information about ADHD, visit ADDitudemag.com, adhdfoundation.org.uk and adhduk.co.uk. You can find Lucy on Instagram @Geriatric_mum.
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