11 Most Annoying Dinner Party Guests
[Photo: Favim]
There’s always one, isn’t there? Or two…or eleven.
1. The Celebrity Chef
Honorary guest on this list. They may not be there in body but they’re bloody well there in spirit, mocking you with their “bish, bash, bosh” attitude. Making out it’s possible to whip up a ‘poulet-au-I’ve-run-out-of- time’ and still have a chance to clean up and get ready. It’s their stupid fault you’re still in you’re pants when your first guest arrives.
2. The Early Arriver
The Early Arriver inexplicably descends upon you way before they’re invited. Their infuriating catchphrase “can I do anything to help?” only serves to add to the stress of their unexpected arrival. Too late to help cook and too early to be of any real use, unless they think showering, dressing or wiping their host’s butt is remotely “helpful”.
3. The Bore
The bore doesn’t want have a conversation, the bore just wants to do monologues about traffic or money or how they slept. They don’t care if you’re interested or even if you have a pulse. It’s not that they’re self-important, they’re just not self-aware enough to realise they’re a bore.
[Photo: Giphy]
4. The Epic Storyteller
The good, interesting kind? No, the long, rambling make-you-want-to-cry kind. Fall into the clutches of the Epic Storyteller and kiss goodby to all the fun, interesting conversations going on around you. Not to be mistaken with the Bore, this guest demands response and interaction while they verbally drive you down the longest possible route to the most inane possible destination.
5. The Negative Nelly
Oh dear. This person can’t cheer up for anyone. They’ll moan all night, zapping your energy like a Dementor from Harry Potter. The worst thing you can do is interact with a Negative Nelly. Do not feed them advice and positive perspective. It will only them stronger.
6. The Welcome Overstayer
Do what you will: clear away the dishes, say goodbye to every last guest, yawn your head off, even vacuum around their feet, this guest ain’t going anywhere. Honesty is the best policy with the Welcome Overstayer; they’re mentally incapable of taking a hint.
[Photo: nbc/giphy]
7. The Part-Time Vegetarian
Last time you saw them they were eating meat. Now they’re sitting at your table wearing a martyred expression and whispering: “It’s fine, I’ll just eat the veggies.”
8. The Later Arriver
Always with the excuse they “thought the time you’d given was a suggestion”. Because a meal for several people can be magicked up whenever. The Late Arriver refuses to take responsibility for being a p*ick and making everyone wait.
9. The Married Couple Who Secretly Want A Divorce But Can’t Admit It
Instead they get drunk, goad each other all night in front of their friends and try to pull everyone into their argument.
10. The Beast
Aka the “wine hogger”. Watch out for the beast, they drink quickly and their deterioration is rapid. One minute they’re lucid, the next they’re saying dark-as-hell stuff to you and trying to get off your dog.
[Photo: Giphy]
11. The Texter
The Texter is too busy dropping in and out of group chats and updating their social media to participate. Their speciality is repeating the last thing said to them in order to seem present and contributing perfunctory “yeah, yeah, yeahs” at unsuitable points in conversation. They’re not worthy of a seat at your table. Do not invite again.
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